It wasn't supposed to turn out this way. I ended up losing three best friends who I had known since fourth grade, but in the end I made another. And she was a true friend. Unlike me. It all started on the playground last fall…
We were sitting under the slide, (or the hideout, as it was affectionately called by the rest of our school,) picking out our new target. Then we saw her. Laurie. She was so perfect, nothing could overstate it. Small and skinny, no sense of fashion, shy, and just plain… what's the word, well, Laurie was pick-on-able. Yeah, I know, not a word. Josie made it up. It means just what it sounds like. But it described her perfectly. Mill was the first to spot her.
"Oh my G-O-S-H!" She whispered. That was like her catchphrase, 'oh my g-o-s-h'. I even heard a couple of boys playing a 'guess who I am' game during recess. One says "Okay, my turn!" Then he starts smacking his lips like he's chewing gum, puts his hands on his hips, and says "Oh my G-O-S-H!" His friend immediately yells "MILL THE PILL!!" That's what they call her. Her real name is Millicent, but if you call her that, you're really in for it. Like when people call me Maxine instead of Max. Anyway, back to Laurie. We all turned our heads around and look at her. An unspoken agreement takes place, and we all put our hands in and say "YES!" Then we high-five each other and smile. Just when we're about to put our plan into action, the bell rings.
"Saved by the bell, Laurie." Said Josie ominously. I can't count how many times I've thought this, but I thought it again just then. I'm so glad I'm one of them.
Recess the next day we're ready to start. Mill, Josie, and Lu look at me.
"Good luck."
"Thanks."
I scan the playground for Laurie. Locating her by the monkey bars, I head that way. When they see me, kids scatter. Lu always says that doing this will bring us respect. I think it's more like fear, but I learned the hard way that I should keep my mouth shut. That was a long time ago. We're all equals now. Within our group, at least.
When I reach the monkey bars, I smile and say, "Hey! Laurie right? Cool! Do you want to come to my house after school?" She's new in town, and I guess no one has told her about us yet. That made me kind of mad for some reason, that no one cared to warn her, but I snuffed it out. That would just makes her all the more perfect.
Laurie smiles nervously and says, "Uh, hi. I-I would love to come to your house, if that's okay with you."
Oh, I think, you don't know how okay it is! But I don't say that. Instead I tell her that it's fine, and I'll see her then.
My crew is overjoyed. They grin and high-five me and tell me that I'm a genius. Their praise feels so good, I'm almost willing to do anything for it. Almost.
And so for the next year, all the joys of friendship were ours. I lost contact with the group at school and only met them other places. That way Laurie wouldn't get suspicious. We had sleepovers and went to movies, had parties and pizza. I was invited to her birthday celebration, and she came to mine. Lazy afternoons in the park after school, and visits to each other's houses to do homework. It was great. I' d never had a real friend like Laurie. Every day I would have to scold myself and drill it into my head that Laurie was not my friend. It was just pretend. At school we sat and ate lunch together. Kids looked at us like we were alien invaders or zombies from some horror movie. We told each other secrets, and even though I wasn't supposed to, I found myself actually enjoying her company. I did keep a journal of everything she said that I could share with Mill, Josie and Lu when the year was up.
But it wasn't all fun and games. At night I would toss and turn, dreading the day that I would have to betray someone. That's what it was now, someone. More and more I was considering leaving my friends. Because I was starting to realize something. They were bullies. I was a bully. And I didn't like that. It wasn't who I wanted to be, not how I wanted to live. I knew that either way, my choice would bring me grief. It would be hard. I wished that the last day of school would never come.
As I learned, time stops for no one, and it most certainly did not stop for me. I had cried myself to sleep the night before. It felt strange. I did not cry very often. When I woke up my face was red and blotchy. I kept my head down as I gulped down my pancakes. Every time Mom asked how I was feeling, I just grunted. I still hadn't decided what to do. I yearned to tell her, but I couldn't do that without revealing what I had done. Or could I?
"Hey, Mom?"
"Yes, Maxie?" That was her pet name for me.
"I was wanting to ask you something. In this book I was reading, a girl, well, she was with this group of … mean kids and she was pretending to be another kid's friend. But now she really likes this kid and wants to keep being her friend, but if she does the mean kids will kick her out and bully her. But the if she tells the other kid what was really going on, then the kid will be sad and the girl doesn't want that to happen and she doesn't know what to do. So, I was just wondering what you think the girl should do."
My mom looked at me. "I think that the girl should follow what her heart says to do."
"Yeah, thanks, Mom. Gotta go."
I picked up my backpack and went to school. I was pondering my mom's advice the whole way. Follow what her heart says to do. What her heart says to do.
Realizing that I was almost there, I slowed my footsteps. It was too late. I saw them, waiting, beckoning me. With a heavy heart, I walked toward them.
"Hey!" They greeted me with smiles. "Today's the big day! You were SO great!"
"Thanks," I mumbled, not meaning it.
"Oh my G-O-S-H!!!! Here she comes!"
Mill was right. As I turned I saw Laurie skipping over to us.
"Hi, Max!"
"Hey," I said.
Josie shoved me from behind. "Go on!" she whispered.
I took a deep breath. "Laurie, I have something to tell you. This whole time…" I trailed off, not able to form the words. I could sense Mill, Lu, and Josie behind me, excitement in the air around them.
"Yeah? What is it?" Laurie asked.
"I made a mistake!" I blurted out. "I was pretending to be your friend this whole time. Just for this moment! To see how sad it made you." I hated the look on her face. It was the look of someone who had been betrayed. Tears were forming in my eyes. "I was wrong! You were…are, a better friend than these-these bullies!"
I felt a shove from behind. I fell into the dirt.
Lu kicked me. "You double-crossing fool!" She stuck out her tongue at me.
"Yeah!" said Mill. "Don't worry, this isn't the end! We'll be back!" Together they ran away, back to the hideout and started whispering amongst themselves. That left me and the person who I most and least wanted to see right now. Laurie leaned over and pulled me to my feet.
"Is it true?" she asked, her voice shaking. "Were you really just pretending to be my friend?"
"At first. But after a while I realized that I really did like you. I'm so, so, so, so, sorry. Can you ever forgive me? We don't even have to be friends any more. Just tell me that you believe me when I say I'm sorry. Please."
Laurie stared at me. "Really? That's all you want? For me to believe you?"
"Yes. That's all I need."
"Need and want are different," she said. "What do you want? The truth."
"For us to be friends." I made a promise to myself that if she would at least forgive me I would burn the notebook full of her embarrassing moments and secret thoughts.
"I'll forgive you if you promise never to do that again."
I smiled and hugged her. "I do." Then I stepped away to look at her. "Thank you. Thank you so much."
I wasn't even worried about Mill and the rest of them. Because I knew that after this, I would have the strength to stand up to them, and anyone else who tried to get in the way of two best friends. And I don't know, but I think there's still hope for Josie, Mill, and Lu. I think they're still good inside.
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